Friday Goulash


Yep, that’s Mariah Carey.

I had a friend who ate goulash almost every Friday night of the eighties.  Her mother used to take all the dinner leftovers from the week, toss them in a pot with some elbow macaroni, Clamato, and an unnamed thickening agent and call it “Goulash.”  Tossing in a wooden spoon into the pot to complete the Oliver Twistish tableau, this tired mom would leave the goulash on the stove and her kids to fend for themselves for the rest of the evening while she retired to her living room for highballs and episodes of “Dallas”. 

It’s in the Tired Mom spirit that I rehash the Friday Goulash, Gaytheist Gospel Hour style: a big warm bucket of the week’s bounty, slowly crusting from the bottom up.  You’ll probably want to slap a slice of American cheese on it.

  • In The “News“*:   Mariah Carey returns to the silver screen (because we all loved “Glitter” so much), playing a “dowdy” social worker in some sort of overwrought, “gritty” secular humanist uplifter called “Precious”.  Normally, this sort of story would whiz past my head like so many other celebrity news bullets, but since I consider “dowdy” to be my beat, I couldn’t resist.   Quoting the AP: ‘”By making me look so bad he [director Lee Daniels] brought out the ability to never be self-conscious again, and that was a gift that he gave me.”‘  Mariah’s “gift” came wrapped in a little extra weight, an outdated hairdo, an inexpensive outfit, and a certain tiredness around the eyes…  She looks like, well, a Mariah Carey fan– someone who might have fond memories of slow-dancing to “Vision of Love” back in 1990.  And that looks “so bad.”  Well, Butterfly, I’m glad one of us has stopped feeling “self-conscious”.
  • On The Net: Celebrating the 70th anniversary of the Wizard of Oz with pure interactive brilliance, Netflix has created an application called Oz Yourself.  With a simple photo download and a couple of minor tweaks, you can do a Victor Fleming and recast the role of the Scarecrow any which way you want.  This has been a dream come true for anyone (like me) who feels the Wizard of Oz just wasn’t terrifying enough the first time around.   Too bad I can’t Miss Rossify Dorothy…


  • In My Life:  Did you know Los Lobos is classified by iTunes as “Country”?  The band’s fiery classic blues rock sound (enriched with eye-opening social commentary and heart-breaking poetry) doesn’t feature any fiddle-sawing or mention of putting boots in anyone’s asses, so I’m not sure why my iTunes player calls it “Country”.  Maybe what iTunes actually meant to say was “You so Country” because listening to Los Lobos instead of, oh, that Kanye guy, is indeed a Country thing to do.  I have a theory that when I play an actual country album, the corresponding  iTunes player genre will call me out as a “Cracker.”

*Punctuation denotes author’s attempt to launch a snarky pseudo-attack on the infotainmentization of the actual News while armed with nothing but a sad set of quotation marks.

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4 Responses to “Friday Goulash”

  1. Abba Kafka Says:

    Again, you fill my cup with genius. Honestly, you put your words together in the most interesting and engaging of ways. I never tire of it. Please keep writing. I read and reread your blog almost every day; I need intelligence to start my mornings. Remember, I’m stuck in a cornfield.

  2. Lesley Says:

    I like the goulash analogy. Did you know “hero” by mariah carey is one of Abba’s favorite songs. Umm hmmm. Makes you think twice about her now, doesn’t it.

  3. Abba Kafka Says:

    I like the goulash analogy too. Did you know Lesley had a crush on Abba when “Hero” came out? And it was “Dream Lover”, ps.

  4. Lesley Says:

    No, it was hero. I remember because it was so lame.

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