Friday Goulash (Sunday Edition) 03-21-10

“There are no words…none.” –Hedwig Robinson.

Once upon the 1980’s, a divorced working mother in the midwest performed the same ritual every Friday: she would collect all the dinner leftovers of the week and toss them in a pot with some elbow macaroni, Clamato, and a mysterious thickening agent.  She would refer to this concoction as  “Goulash.” “Friday Goulash” is a tribute to this woman and her potful of weariness. It’s in her spirit that I serve up a week’s worth of tidbits slow-cooked to dry-yet-strangely-sticky perfection.  It goes great with Kool-Aid!

In The “News”

  •  Alex Chilton died.  It was the only uncool thing he has ever done.  His music was that elusive combination of tough invincibility and tender surrender: James Dean remixed, if you will.  Alex Chilton brought warrior glory to mushtacular lines like “Won’t you tell me what you’re thinking of/Would you be an outlaw for my love?”   His gift for melody was enriched by his melancholy in an utterly pure, completely instinctual way.  Songs like “September Gurls” yearn and ache, their seams near-bursting with doomed beauty.  Although Alex was a decent singer I find his songs most compelling when they’re sung by women.  I can’t put my finger on why I feel that way.  Fanboys (and I am indeed a Fanboy) sometimes flatter themselves by casting themselves as supertasters of excellence, but the truth is, the appreciation we show for a given object (like Mr. Chilton) is tempered strongly by the personal baggage we bring to our interaction with that object.  So in the interest of full Fanboy disclosure:  my spirit animal is the oyster (hard exterior, gooey interior), so of course I’d worship Alex Chilton.  And, by extension: listening to a woman singing Alex Chilton would be like looking in a mirror for me.  But just the same, when Alex Chilton died, American pop music lost its Romeo.  May he rest in peace.
  • Constance McMillen can’t go to the prom with her girlfriend. Will this be the desperately needed Rosa Parks-type flash point that ignites the Gay Rights movement and illuminates awareness with straight U.S.A?  I hope so.  Constance’s struggle resembles that of Tracey Turnblad, the heroine of John Waters’ “Hairspray”: the battle for civil rights waged on the dance floor by a spunky, adorable chubbette of a freedom fighter, thus making this the gayest of all gay rights struggles to date.

In My Life

  • I recently attended a performance of Shedd Aquarium’s “Fantasea” and am still staggering in a twitchy, post-tramatic stress disorder K hole nightmare.  If  Alex Trebek called upon me to pen the answer to the question “What is Fantasea?”, I’d have no choice but to meet the challenge with It’s the retarded water-baby love child of Andrew Lloyd Webber and Cirque du Soleil.   Or, if this were a cooking blog, I’d submit the following recipe:


1 Wind machine

3 Actors dressed up in billowing costumes, ostensibly portraying the Gods of Pink, Blue, and Green.

1 Video presentation projected on a ginormous screen: Half-baked “Journey Into The Magic Realm Of The Ocean” narrative, extra cheese.

1 Swollen, overblown soundtrack with mystical adventure motifs liberally plagiarized from “Neverending Story

1 Sea lion, painstakingly trained to eat chum on cue

3 Beluga whales, painstakingly trained to eat chum on cue

3 Actors dressed in degrading Beluga whale costumes, painstakingly trained to feed chum to Beluga whales

6 Penguins, painstakingly trained to walk when set loose upon the floor

3 Actors dressed in humiliating Penguin costumes, painstakingly trained to carry and set loose Penguins on the floor

1 Red-tailed hawk, painstakingly trained to fly in a straight line

1 Actor dressed in hateful Red-tailed hawk costume: must hate self.  (See above.)

3 Pacific White-Sided Dolphins painstakingly trained to make up for the showmanship deficits presented by the Belugas, the Sea lion, the Penguins, and the Red-tailed hawk.

3 Actors dressed in a Rene Magritte-ish approximation of Pacific White-Sided Dolphins in human form, in a last-ditch effort to redeem the artistic vision of the show

1 Child actor, female, to be pulled out of the audience, extra ham.  Must fool no one, not even other children.


Just add water.

Fortunately, the Man/Fish statue was on hand (or on fin, if you rather) to save the day, thank Neptune!

Have you hugged your freakishly huge piscean friend today?

On the Net:

  • I stumbled across this video the other day and it actually, honest-to-the-big-Nada-in-the-sky, choked me up.  Why?  Because this little girl’s decision to record “Origin of Love” from the now-classic gay film Hedwig and the Angry Inch sounds like progress to me.  She could have opted to live up to her demographic destiny and play a selection from the Hannah Montana oeuvre, but instead, she’s bringing the revolution to the squares in her own irresistable way.  Right on, Rosie, and rock on.  (Audio is pretty quiet; you’ll have to crank it, my babies.)

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8 Responses to “Friday Goulash (Sunday Edition) 03-21-10”

  1. Nick Says:

    So where did you find this grrreat version of The Origin Of Love?

    Yes, our country is moving, even with hiccups and resistance, to include us all

    • hellraisin Says:

      I just stumbled upon it while looking up “Origin of Love” on Youtube and it totally made my day. Glad you liked it, too!

  2. Marc Says:

    Blame the Republicans for Alex Chilton’s death, fanboy.

    (and stay away from the reader comments at the end of that story – pretty pathetic stuff)


  3. Marc Says:

    Oh, and Rosie’s got it. Rock on, indeed!

  4. Marc Says:

    They cancelled the prom?

    I doubt this would happen in my neck of the woods. I buddy of mine showed up at the high school’s Halloween party dressed as a 6-foot penis – complete with huge balls and pubic hair. And at the prom, a thirty-something George Micheal walked down the stairs with 2 graduates, sending the message that the two 16-year-olds were horny sluts…

    The more I think about this, the more I realize that my school ‘officials’ might have been slightly retarded. Still, America needs to wake up and face reality.

  5. Marc Says:

    Do you think this guy Kevin will get to go to his prom?

  6. Mrs Meat Says:

    Bloumeister told me there was a party here.

    By the way, what the hell is that big dude doing to that freakishly big fish?

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