Archive for the ‘Music’ Category

RIP: Flavor Flav’s Fried Chicken

May 1, 2011

Uptown Flav Wants You!

After a spectacular four-month occupancy as a roadside attraction at the junction of WTF and FTW, Flav’s Fried Chicken is no more.  It came as a whirlwind, whipping off the Iowa prairie amid a miasma of disrupted topsoil, trans-fat vapors, and crack cocaine smoke.  It left as an acrimonious fart, embarrassing all within its association.  In its wake, we are left with only bitter recriminations and chicken bones.  And beautiful memories. (more…)


April 17, 2011

The number 42 has been bestowed the twinkle of legend, thanks to Douglas Adams; according to his Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, the number represents the “answer to life, the universe, and everything.”  Now that I’m 42, it’s time to spill the beans of wisdom on this, my 42nd blog entry.  The following represents the sum total of 42 years’ worth of cosmic enlightenment…and stuff. (more…)

In Praise Of…

August 29, 2010

Yo, get your praise on with the Milwaukee Lutheran High School Praise Band!

Hershey Syrup in The Can:  Simply put, it tastes much better than the Hershey’s Syrup from the squeeze bottle.  How can I account for this?  The taste taboo that makes people avoid canned vegetables and meat marinated in metal bowls actually works for Hershey’s Syrup In The Can.  The can itself is the key ingredient that sets the HS apart from its bottle counterpart.   The tin undergirds the dark intensity of the chocolate and elevates it above mere sweetness.  It tastes of times gone by, when things made to last were made of metal: cars, back yard fences, coffee pots…  I don’t expect anyone born into the “Hershey squirts” era to understand the charm of the HSITC, but it’s my hope that they find a way to hold onto that juvenile plastic ass-joke sweetness and cherish it in the future days of eco-friendly-flavor-neutral packaging. (more…)

Friday Goulash (Sunday Edition) 03-21-10

March 21, 2010

“There are no words…none.” –Hedwig Robinson.

Once upon the 1980’s, a divorced working mother in the midwest performed the same ritual every Friday: she would collect all the dinner leftovers of the week and toss them in a pot with some elbow macaroni, Clamato, and a mysterious thickening agent.  She would refer to this concoction as  “Goulash.” “Friday Goulash” is a tribute to this woman and her potful of weariness. It’s in her spirit that I serve up a week’s worth of tidbits slow-cooked to dry-yet-strangely-sticky perfection.  It goes great with Kool-Aid! (more…)

“It’s a brand new record for 1990!”

January 3, 2010

“Birdhouse In Your Soul”: The Purely Accidental Homage by an unknown Crafty Country Grandma

The opening track is a theme song laden with the sort of hokey harmonies that set the tone for those ’50’s sitcoms they used to show on Nickelodeon.  The buttercream blend of male and female voices evoke the comforting predictability of the nostalgic past.  Yet it is the theme song of a romance so epic, a spirit of goodwill so heroic, that it smacks of utter madness and, ultimately, portends destruction on an apocalyptic scale.   “Why is the world in love again?  Why are we marching hand in hand?  Why are the ocean levels rising up?” Why, indeed?  Well,  “It’s a brand new record for 1990!  They Might Be Giants’ brand new album: FLOOD!”      (more…)