The glow emanating from this, the Gaytheist Christmas Card 2013, is golden– a butterscotch, if you will. Like butterscotch, its sweetness is undermined by its stickiness. It’s the kind of stickiness you encounter when handling a “live” Christmas tree: the sap is snarlingly soap resistant, rendering you a laughable Edward Stickerhands.
Take heart, my sticky babies– at least you don’t smell like you have a Pine-Sol problem! Your problem can be solved by a small child– a child who personifies the salvation of this hectic, overextended, and overwrought season, a child who redeemed us all by casually handing Santa’s candy cane and his “be a good little girl” jive back to him–in several small, symbolically potent pieces. In the spirit of this holiday miracle, the Gaytheist Gospel Hour wishes you and yours a very merry Up Yours, Christmas!